Ranting of Me

So today I almost got my fuckin head riped off by my advisory teacher(I'm nice so I'm not gonna put her on blast) for not wanting to go on this trip tomorrow to go see this documentry, The Lost Boys of the Sudan. Only a certin amount of people can go and I respectfully said I didn't want to attend. She nearly jumped down my throught talking about how we shouldn't be closed minded and how we don't appreciate nothing. That shit got me tight. I even lost my appitite. It's whatever though, I just hate teachers that get into your business; it;s none of there business.

Since I totally failed NaNoWriMo I am going to do my own month of writing next month. Wish me luck, because I will be battling laziness, self critiques and the dread writer's block.

Ivan is still working on the potty training thing. Tried putting him in thick underwear for a couple of hours today. Again, right after I sat him on the little toilet, he went downstairs and then wet himself. This is going to take a while. He's also doesn't talk as much as a lot of kids his age. He doesn't talk almost at all when we go out somewhere. Need to encourage him to talk more and say more words. He's smart, he just doesn't seem to want to interact very much. Hopefully this is just a stage.

I have been watch The Seeker. It is defiantly not a new Hercules or Zena. I think the two main characters are annoyingly tragic and need acting lessons. However, the secondary characters are usually very good. The story line is typical, but the individual episodes are good enough to hold my interest. Plus, I love the fact that the confessor character type in the show is like a coercer from EQ2. Yes, I do play a coercer so that part greatly amuses me.

Just 2 people,
Just 2 people,
Just 2 people in love.
I saw you one night.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
Your just to beautiful to be real.
When you said my name, It sounded like music.
I'd rather be looking in your eyes, then on this place they call earth.
When I see your picture, I hear bells.
Its like a medley everyday.
Cause were just 2 people,
Just 2 people,
Just 2 people in love.
I thought i'd never see you again.
But I promised myself I would find you.
Woundering everyday, everysecond what your doing, and wear you are.
Were just 2 people,
Just 2 people,
Just 2 people in love.
But know I found you with her.
She says your in love.
I'm hoping it's not true.
She living out my dream, your getting married soon.
Gotta move on know,
To late to do anything.
Can't change whats been done,
Though I wont to.
Cause I thought we were just 2 people,
Just 2 people,
Just 2 people falling in love...

Fred and I have been discussing maybe dating after graduation. I hadn't said anything about it to my family, because I soon as I say I'm interested in someone they start reading in to everything that person does. And other things like that. This month Fred and I were talking and he was teasing me about how his family hears about me all the time and mine don't hear about him at all. So the next day I told them.

We had asked him to go to the zoo with us once after that. I don't really like the zoo, but it's a family outing he could join us for. It was short noticed and he had things to do at school so he couldn't make it. Then later we got the house all clean for the carpet guy to come and get the floors clean. I thought I would take advantage of the clean floors and invite him over for games. He said he'd come the next day after he went to see his family. Turns out his family just wanted to bitch at him all day about two small boxes of stuff he had in their garage. Then two of our friends got in this huge fight and one of them ended up talking with him and spending the night, so he had to postpone till the next day. He calls the next day to cancel, because he didn't get much sleep and his family was still yelling at him so he felt like crap. It was important to him to see my family when he could be a hapy social guest. So instead I went over to his place to make him feel better. Before I left my mom stopped me to tell me how he had canceled 3 times now and how I man who is in love with me would do anything for me.

OMG First, of all we aren't even dating so love in the relationship sense is way off in the distance. Second, those were casual invitations, not "I really need you to do this for me" moments. Flash forward to yesterday when it was decided that today we would go to the zoo to look for snow with our relatives from California. My mom asked me to ask Fred if he wanted to come. Again it was last minute and neither of us thought we were going to do anything with the family until after my dad's throat surgery. So he said he couldn't make it, but his reason was because he couldn't afford to by the drink and food stuff there. My family never buys that stuff so I thought it was stupid. He mentioned on my way out that his family would like me over for dinner on Friday. I grumbled because I didn't want to do a family thing with him when he had canceled on enough of mine for my mom to notice.

On the phone later we talked about it and he was willing to go to the zoo if I really wanted him too. I don't even want to go to the zoo. It was decided that we might want to forget doing holidays together this year. The whole thing about a lot of family seemed to be too much too soon for both of us. I want to be established on my own two feet, and he's trying to work out some commitment issues. Plus, it's important to him to feel like he can provide in a relationship especially when he is with a much younger single mom. So we are dialing back on the family stuff and going very slow. Which feels just right. Both of us being slow right now is part of why we work so well together.

Yes, I could tell you his favorite colors voliet,
He was born on the 21st.
He's girlfriends beatifull,
He has his fathers eyes.
Whe I wake up its like my god hes beatifull,
So I put on my make up and pary for a merical.
He's voice runs though my head.
But, if you asked me if I loved him...id lie.
When I see his picture,
I say why can't you see its me you need?
I promised myself I wouldn't fall to hard,
But you've got me heading head over heels.
I'm wrapped around your fingers like silk ribon.
I don't know what to do.
It's like lyrics to a sad song,
Saying its gonna be ok.
If you could only hear the words I say.
I tell myself its all gonna be ok,
I can make it on my own.
I just want to hear you say its really gonna be ok.
You just look past me,
As if im a wall of air.
Your the reason I can't breath when I see you with her.
I was feelin so strong,
But know I can't find myself.
Not movin on fast,
Without you I can't find me.
I just want to ascap it all.
Before I was lost,
But know you've found me.
The sun can decied to shine over here,
In the world im turned around.
You've got me walking on air.
When I try to turn around,
Im back were I started.
I can't tell you how I feel,
Are hearts beat too differently.
Im not going anyware,
Im lost in my thoughts.
Kow that you have me traped in your fate.
You've got me talking to myself in public.
Know as the sun goes down,
I look in your eyes.
Cry myself to sleep.
Wait for another day to come.
Prayin that you'll wake up tomorrow and relize its me you've been waiting for.

Haven't posted anything in months! Let's see...
My headaches are under control now thanks to a small does of an antidepressant medicine.
Will start school in January and will hopefully be done next fall semester. When that happens I may also be dating somebody. But only after graduation.
We have 20 people in the house for Thanksgiving.

We are making a spaghetti sauce for dinner tonight. It's a really good sauce that's cooked over a couple of hours. However, every time someone lifts the lid to stir it, it spits hot lava(sauce) at us. Now there is this huge red mess all over the stove and the counter and the floor. Not looking forward to picking that up.

Will write more another time. Maybe.

So today I was on the 5 train and the last stop is Flatbush junction. Like I hate when people stand right infrount of the door when I'm getting off. It's the last stop!!!! Your're gonna get a stop!! Let Me get of the effin train! damn son. people is rude today. But it's watever, I'm over it.
.............................................................................................. So I've been having the strangest dreams lately. My mom is in all of them and it's not like she sending me a message. In all my dreams she's alive; she's chillin with me and it's buggin me out. What's so funny about it is that I deff appriceate her more now that shes gone. I never really relized how much I'd miss her callin me Buddah. B4 it was something I was ashamed of, and begged of her to stop, but now it's like a forgein word to me. Whenever I hear it a feeling of longing overwhelms me.

*so always have a section on my myspace where I talk about something random; telling a story. Recently hough, I've just been listing random things.I saw this blog with random thoughts and some of the stuff said was true, so I'm gonna use like one or two of them, but rephrase it.*

I just started blogging for a travel agency based here in Rome. This is the only one I've written so far, but I'm hoping to start pumping out one per week. Check it out when ya got the time.