Ranting of Me

More on this subject when I'm not in the middle of it.

I didn't used to be this bad at school, really I wasn't. I used to get A's, right?

My Bio-Psychology class is not going so well. I didn't do well on two of the quizzes, because I didn't read the material at all before hand. I didn't better on the other two, but I barely got them done on time, and almost didn't do one of them on time just because I got the "grades posted date" and the "final day to take it" date confused. Well, I should have learned from my near mistake, because I did that today for the 5th quiz. I missed it. I thought it was available till today, but it was the grades that were up today. And I can see if I'm doing okay on the essays because apparently their is an issue with me submitting them as .rtfs. I have NEVER had a problem with that EVER!

I'm so flustered and upset with myself. I can't think at all anymore. Their has to be something wrong with me. How could I think better when Ivan still woke up all night, and have no concentration now when I'm getting a lot more sleep? It's just wrong. I should just admit that I'm dumb and work on my house wife skills. Settle for being the obedient house wife for the guy I settled for. The boring one with the stable job.

I'm so disappointed in myself. I can't seem to do anything right anymore.

Star Trek
Went to see Star Trek last night. I was going to meet an online friend there, but couldn't find her. I should have checked my email before I went, because she gave me a heads up. I took Joshua with me. He got to hang out with my friends afterward as well. He said he had fun and I think he did. The movie itself was awesome! Everyone should go and see it.

School
Almost done with school. Turned in my last project today. Actually, I'm technically still in class. I don't want to be here right now. I want to ditch. I start summer classes in June. I will take four classes, because I can abuse Brittany for homework time. In the fall I will take only two classes. The grant writing class (because it is a skill I really need to be competitive) and a British literature class.

Fashion
If you want to buy me something that I will love you for, but it from http://www.modcloth.com because it has awesome mod style clothes. I have discovered a love for skirts and dresses. I like the mod look (though I can't do all the dresses and skirts because of how short they are) but I do still like the goth look. So I thought of combining the two into gothmod. It would include Mod shapes and styles, but with dark Victorian patterns with lace and leather details. Now if only I could sew.

I was being a stupid kid.
On Friday I had to leave early so I could talk to a counselor about classes. I showed mom my schedule for the fall semester and she started going on about the number of hours I would be gone and how I would have to get the kids through their school work and I got all upset about never being able to leave and was crying and felt horrible. I was talking to Fred about it later that night and he basically I was an ungrateful bitch.(He was nicer about it) Which hurt at the time, but it was true. So I had a reality check and discovered that I'm lucky and that the few annoyances I have to put up with are better than being a welfare slut.

There should be a class for Trekky Tech.
I finished my final portfolio for my tech tools class. Banged it out all in one day. It's not very good, but it's done so I'll get some points at least. I have accepted my C in that class. At least I won't have to take it again. I will probably get an A in other class which is cool. It's also cool that my teacher for that class said we should go for lunch on the last day. Should remember to get phone numbers from people in that class. They would be fun to hang out with again. I also need to see how many people are seeing Star Trek that day. Josh and I are seeing it Thursday. My friend allison wants me to dress up, but I don't think she'll find a costume for me in time. Oh well.

Speaking of Star Trek, I watched "The Cage" last night. It was one of the original pilot for the show. Back when it was still Captain Pike, and the second in command was a woman.


It's growing on my face!
I have this thing on my lip. I wasn't sure if it was a cold sore or a zit, and I'm still not sure but I'm leaning more towards a cold sore. Today, it is humongous! It's so ugly and pussy and eeeewwww. I can't touch it either, because it's technically a virus and I don't want to make it worse. I'm putting medication on it, but it's not getting any better. I hope it goes away soon.

I use it and then I abandon it for long periods of time. It must cry when I'm gone. I'm so mean to it.

I had my first real design job, but they put me on hold. At least they are paying me for what I've done so far. I like writing still and I'm sort of working on that. Don't get a lot of time though. Need to get money some how because I want to move out, so I can feel like I make ALL of the decisions for Ivan myself and not have to be changed by my mother and her rules.

When I move out and I am stable then I can date agian too. I really want to get into the dating scene again. I love flirting and going out and having fun and meeting new people. I'd also love to fill in the gaping stinging hole that is my lonliness. Though, I should be carful with that because that is what got me in trouble in the first place.

Ivan has apparently learned some sign language from the Baby Enstien DVDs we rented from the library. Now I have to buy them so I can watch them enough to learn it too. So that when he asks me for something using the sign, he won't be frustrated when I have no idea what he's asking me for.

Got up earlier today and did yoga. That was nice. I should do that more often. Also today, the book drive was up at school. I bought two old books and that was it. Go me!

Allison lost weight recently and wants to buy new clothes and then go out with me. I hope I can find a good time to do that with her soon. That will be fun.

I feel like firting with someone. I want to go dancing and flirt with new cute and cool guy. Please foreward one to me.

It is really hard to consentrate in my house. So much noise all the time. BUt on the up side, I am a little more focussed on my working than I was. Mostly because I know where I'm going now. I have a much better vision and work plan for my book. I have a concept for a short story to submit to a magazine. I know most what I want to put in my white paper and what I still need. I have an idea of where to look for freelance work to put on my resume. I know what to do after graduation. Mostly. I really want to be dating so I know if there is a guy I should figure into my post graduate plans, but I don't know if it'll happen. That's a wait and see thing. Though I don't want to wait. :p

I would love to make a New Year's resolution to write in my LiveJournal everyday, but I know it won't happen. It's hard to get any time on the computer when your toddler makes a new mess 30 seconds after you cleaned up the last one.

*gets up to clean up cearal mess*

*comes back*

As I was saying. I want to write everyday, which I will try to do, but I make no promises.

( Things to look forward to this year. )

( Things I'd like to get done everyday. )

Most time loop story lines only loop for a day. What if it was like years or something? Hmmm, I should write that down...

Still no book for British Lit. My teacher sent me a link to the reading on Thursday, but it didn't work. I geuss I'll have to look up the text on my own. On another school note. John Smith is really hard to read. The guy who wrote about Pocahotas. Of, course I'm such a big dork I immediately thought "it's the Doctor!".

I cold has entered the house recently, and now my nose wants to kill me from the inside out. I am also back on iron suplements. (Watch your necks!) <- Wow, I'm such a dork.

School started today. I thought that since I was higher on the waitlist for Advanced Grammar that I would take that class instead of British Lit. But the BritLit teacher said that she would enroll everyone on the waitlist into the class, since there was plenty of room. I',glad I get to take BritLit instead, becasue Gramar was going to be a lot of work, I have friends in BritLit, and we will be going over some of my favorite authors and works.

I realised toight just how much daily internet stuff I do. Here's a list:
Live Joural
Gaia
OneManga
MySpace
Grandpa Work
Hotmail
yahoo
Fancast

Yeah, and I also do random research, surveys, and games too. I am sooooo addicted to the internet.

School starts tomorrow and still no government check to buy my books. Oh, well. I'm going to buy my books on Wensday weither or not I have that check. I need to buy gas and underwear too... that sounded so wrong. >>

I want to ge the house clean today, that way (if I do chores everyday) it will be easier to keep things cleaned and organized during the school semester. I get a little OCD when I don't have at least one room that isn't under my control. So after a bit of freakying out last night Brittany helped me clean up our room and I finished it today. I really hope I can get the ret of the house clean today too.

It never sises to amaze me, how inconsistent I can be.

Current News:
Brittany leaves for Japan tomorrow
I have rearranged my room
Ivan HATES sleep
School starts Tuesday
New icons and journal theme
I'm sooooo tired
Still writing, but also still idea hoping

Currently Watching:
Supernatural
Project Runway
The Middle Man
Eureka
Masterpiece Theater